It’s widely known that Vancouver, BC was colonized by hippies during the Vietnam war, eager to escape the oppressive stranglehold of “the man”. It’s less known that Vancouver, Washington was similarly colonized, but by stuffy bankers and corporate middle managers eager to escape the oh…progressive lifestyle of Portland. They knew that the only way to be “free” of the tyranny of art and coffee shops and bookstores and restaurants was to load up their convertible wood-paneled PT Cruisers and build a new community 10 minutes North. Buffered by car traffic …

Rather than pretending that I know how things work, I’ve decided to spend this cyclocross season writing about shit I don’t understand. Things like math. Or road racing tactics. Or satisfying women sexually. So let’s just add embrocation to that list. As far as I can tell, embrocation is a fancy word for Bengay and cross racers use it to to create a burning sensation on all of their cold-weather-exposed extremities (ie: the parts that your bathing suit doesn’t cover). People have “recipes”. They create “blends”. Then they “win” “races”. …

I’ve been trying for weeks to get into this movie club, but I assumed that it was one of those things that someone had to die (or be killed?) before an opening presented itself. Luckily, I didn’t have to kill anyone. It turns out that someone just has to be afraid of horror movies. And by “someone” I mean Dawn. I’m told that Dawn refused to watch “The Orphanage” because movies that start with “the” are scary. Like “The Exorcist” or “The Jaws” or “The Rosemary’s Baby”. However, movies …

Blind Date at the Dairy is a new cyclocross series at Alpenrose. While many people are excited that it is in the dark, I’m excited that it is cheap. With all of that money I save racing cheaper races, I can get all jacked up on Double Soy Breve Caramel Mochiatochinos from the new McCafe at McDonalds. I also like it because the fields are not 120 people thick, so my chances of lower than 100th place are substantially reduced. Not impossible. But unlikely.
Luckily, the Single Speed race wasn’t dark. …

The Hood River Double Cross weekend in Hood River had both good parts and bad parts. The bad parts were the parts where I had to ride my bike in circles around the school as fast as possible. Those parts were bad because they made me feel awful. Physically and emotionally. The good parts were all of the other parts of the weekend. The parts when I was not on my bike. The parts when I was eating tacos and pizza. Those parts were amazing. Tacos and pizza are amazing.
Day …