“Wherever there’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, Matty, I’ll be there. I’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad – I’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re hungry an’ they know supper’s ready.”

Between Sacha in Forbes and Scotty in the Wall Street Journal, I feel like the current and former messengers of Portland are finally hitting the big time. Like Kevin Bacon in Quicksilver. The top hat and monocle are the new messenger bag.

Where’s my hot dog cart, moneybags!?

The race is on May 2nd and is a benefit for Chicken. She needs to pay for some overpriced non-government subsidized medical care. She deserves it. I once gave her a can of spray-on pancake batter as a wedding gift, and she both used it and sent me a thank you card. THAT is a true friend right there.

I assume the race is in the alleycat-style that the kids these days are so fond of. Pinball will be involved. Entry is $10 and on a sliding scale. $20 gets you a T-shirt as well. $100 will get a VHS copy of Chicken’s surgery and the new John Tesh cassette. If you choose not to race, you can always support her by just buying a T-shirt I think.

Remember, alleycat races are cheaper than real races and the prizes are always better. Even losers get shit. I should know.

Here are the details:

The Chickenball Run
May 2nd, 2009
$10 entry
Registration: 11:30AM at Coffee Plant
Start: 1:00PM at Ground Control

More details here.

And my thanks go out to the person behind the flyer.

Fuck it, I already laminated the spoke cards, our race will just have to coexist with these other fine happenings. So now I’m taking it to the internet to advertise for yet another event on an already very busy day.

Spand and Deliver I was a race that my friend Zak and I put on last Spring to try and bridge the gap between messenger bike racers and spandexy bike racers. The first half of it was set up like an alleycat: you had a manifest, you had to route yourself to different “pick-ups” and “drop-offs”, you had an advantage if you were impervious to traffic laws. The second half just involved doing the Tabor race loop 5 times.

Spand and Deliver II will be a cyclocross version of the first race. Each stop on the manifest will not be reached unless you and your bike brave an obstacle. The last stop on the manifest will be a cross course where racers will do 5 laps. Then there will be an afterparty at Cait’s house.
Another aspect of this race will speak to my general broke-ness and frustration with the cost of competitive cycling. Bike racing is a sport for people with money. You have to have a bike, a helmet, an OBRA license, race fee $, and probably gas money to wherever the race is happening. You are also encouraged the have some spandex, cycling shoes, and HEALTH INSURENCE! This pretty much ensures that bike races will be mostly made of the middle-to-upper class (not 100% of course). I’m not saying that this is fundamentally wrong, it is what it is. Still, I thought it would be nice to have a race that almost anyone could afford. So, Spand and deliver II costs $1-$5 sliding scale. You can ride any bike and you don’t have to wear a helmet (but I would be MUCH HAPPIER if people did!). There are at least small prizes for everyone who races (although some of the prizes are merely Z Bars, the Clif Bar for children).

So, if you aren’t going to the Cyclocross Singlespeed WC qulaifiers on Saturday, or the nighttime qualifier, or the Team Beer Pub Crawl, or Jennifer’s birthday pot luck, then please come to Spand and Deliver! Actually if you time it just right you may be able to do all the events listed here: qualify at noon, do my race at 1:30, stop by Jeniffer’s on your way to the pub crawl, and show up wasted to Cait’s dance party after that. If you can pull this off then you truly are a cyclocross champion…and the champion of my heart.

Here are the details:
Saturday, 11/8, 1:30pm
Meet at Three Friends: 210 SE 12th
Cost: $1-$5 depending on what you can spare
After party at Cait’s. Supposedly there will be dancing.

Last, but not least I feel it is important for me to tip my hat to the pun-master who came up with the name “Spand and Deliver”. He is none other than the fine editor of SoSoVelo. Just FYI/BTW.

http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml09/09022.html

“There is a bit more flexibility in it, and we can go up to a four-year ban in the cases of something regarded as willful cheating,” McQuaid said. “Considering that these guys were given the product and then went and took it for the Tour de France, it would be very much classified as willful cheating.”

According the Wall Street Journal, “the collapsed investment bank recently agreed to make a large investment in a high-end bicycle-components maker. That manufacturer stands to benefit from Mr. Armstrong’s plan, announced Wednesday, to join a Kazakhstan-based racing team next year.”  Also, as part of the goverment’s $700B bailout, we’re all getting SRAM Red groupos on November 15th.

Armstrong is supposed to race in this years tour, after he saves Wall Street and cures cancer.

Feel free to read the more nuanced commentary from the WSJ here.

We’re told that Weiden and Kennedy will be involved, so the posters will probably look really nice. And there is a rumor that Chris King will start making frames again. And all of the builders that always go to these things will be there, too.

Just remember, as you walk the circuit, looking intently at lugs pretending that you can tell the difference in the brazing techniques on each of the frames and asking builder x what they think of of the work of builder y, that every one of these shows is another 2 weeks added to the 3 years you’re currently waiting for you own custom frame.

Good god, Oregon. Let these people work on some bikes.